I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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