I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
