Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
