Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
