how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
