You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize