Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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