dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
