Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize