i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
