my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
