sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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