Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
