You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
