And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
