I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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