i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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