what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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