Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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