remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
