So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
