If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
