Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
