My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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