Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
