I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
