He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
