I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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