she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
