PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
