just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
