I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
