in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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