Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
