I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
