and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
