FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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