so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
