While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
