dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
