Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
