Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
