She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
