you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
