I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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