you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
