She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
