I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
