speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
