I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
