My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
