gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
