Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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