It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
