He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
