ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
