She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
