Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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