Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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