Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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