I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
