Your face is a jimmy john
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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