3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
