I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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