You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
