wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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