Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
