she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
